Supremacy of Regret and letting it go

I frantically wish that life had a REWIND button so that I could make everything clean.

I mourned myself today. The part of me I thought needed is dead. The part of me who wants to lit the fire in the stability. The part of me who wants the drama is slowly evacuating my soul. I thought it gave me light, some sense of hope, something worth fighting. Now that it's gone in the void perpetually, life kinda feels mundane. But hey! don't be sad. It won't suck. Because life's meaning is embedded in the most ordinary things. Like your cute pet turtle or your mom's new obsession with Facebook. The point is to let yourself be adaptable.

I was in a toxic relationship. With relationship, I meant my two-way influence on family, boy/ girl, career, my mental health, and all those things that derive meaning in one's life. That toxicity was present in the family, which I thought. I blamed them for how emotionally fucked I was.

The trauma looked like this:

"Had my father didn't drink, there wouldn't have been any sucky fights between him and my mother."

"Had my mother been soft and hugged me once in a while, I wouldn't be a miserable awkward person."

"Had my parents didn't bring any random stranger relative to live with me, I would have a good private life."

The list goes on and on. And FUCK THE LIST! The point I am trying to make is, I blamed everything on them. How they were the worst parents ever. How they stripped my privacy when I needed it the most (Honestly speaking, I still blame them for the privacy thing. I mean, come on' I can't dance like a wierdo in my own fucking room)

After series of blaming them for my problem, I realized, I was pushing myself a step further, each time, towards the cliff of emotional vulnerability. For me, emotional vulnerability is the limit of one's emotion. If it's crossed, even the tiniest thing like you didn't brush your teeth today will induce a raging emotion like anger in you. When there are loads of shitty events happening in my life, I would blame my parents, and if they were dead, a god perhaps.

That clinginess to your past self without learning any lessons is what deposits to haunt you as major regret. In this case, I will be mourning how I took my parents for granted while I am in my 80s lamenting on One Direction songs. And I will start deriving the "karma" for my actions. I will get insecure if my kids taunt me for being stupid for not knowing how to operate their latest nanobots or Artificial Human Alexa or some craps like that. The point is you'll flush yourself in regret like, if I had treated my parents as an asset, my kids would've respected me now.

So, it's extremely important to embrace your regret learn from them, and let them die out once and then for all. To let go of that self of you which caused your whole life a 'mess" as you consider looking back. Hug it out for passing the important lessons and let it go in the dark void instead of holding onto it.

And how do we do that properly? Well give me some time to answer that.

(P.S: Thank you for reading this. I hope you liked it. Please feel free to give honest criticism via anything. I need your help to grow further and write some more articles reflecting my true feelings. Have a great fucking day, READERS!!)